So much writing

Clearly my outlet. And having access to this outlet has been a relief to my soul. When kids and work and doctors appointments and logistics get in the way, particularly for us mothers, we stop listening to our hearts. Our family and friends take up so much room in there that we have to push for our piece. Today, my heart is singing.

My heart is singing because the sun is in the sky, because I am in Argentina, learning Spanish, relying on myself, and listening to my heart. And because, in 7 days here, I managed to make the kind of friends who come to your house with food and wine, because they know you are having ATM issues. I talk so much about friendship. Good friends really do make or break you. In 7 days these guys made it to top 10. A little longer down here and I’m sure that will shift up.

I’m also happy because, despite the distance, despite the debates we’ve had for years about where our lives our going, despite everything, my husband wrote me an email this morning that made me realize how completely locked in and connected we are in our hearts. We are on the same page. After years of feeling like we were denying ourselves something by slowing down, we realized we are exactly where we want to be. And my heart is swelling with relief and love and, did I mention relief?

I can ask for what I want in this work situation. Just because I’m a woman, often intimidated by what’s on the other side of things, I can ask, with honesty. I don’t need to prove my value anymore, I’m too good at what I do. It’s time someone chases me. And if they don’t chase, then I’m too good to compromise.

This summer I read The Alchemist again, for the first time since college. It was in the Rome apartment just calling out to me. Through this journey I have referenced it a few times. How the shepard boy stops along the way, in pursuit of his dream to find the pyramids. He stops, he gets comfortable. He makes a good living at one point. He meets the love of his life. But the Alchemist reminds him, if you don’t go to the Pyramids to find your treasure, you’ll always wonder, you’ll always regret and this will take a toll on your life and marriage. So he leaves his love and faces danger and finally makes it to the pyramids. He digs for the treasure. But instead of the treasure, he finds a map to the treasure. The map leads him right back to where he started. And when he digs, the treasure is there.

For whatever reason, I’m in an intense moment of learning and evaluating. If I slow down, I can actually enjoy the process too. As painful as it can be at times, the sun is shining, I’m in Argentina and I’m surrounded by good people. Life is amazing.